15-20 pounds down in 3 weeks!

I wish the title was an announcement of my achievement. But alas, it is not. It's simply my goal.

CAN SHE DO IT?!

That remains to be seen.

See that photo? I managed to undo all of that hard work in just 6 weeks flat. Now, I know you've seen way better looking wanna-be rockers than me, but considering I had three children in 4 1/2 years, a sedentary job, and an obsession with comfort food, that's pretty dang good. I lost 28 pounds for that photo shoot.

PS: The pained look on my face is not caused by starvation. It's caused by those dang heels. Just look at those monsters! That's a five-inch studded stiletto heel. I will never wear those evil things again if I can help it!

Anyhoo, I'm back at it. As stated before in past posts - do NOT try this at home! It's extremely, ridiculously irresponsible, but so necessary when expectations loom over you.

And why would I share my deep dark dieting/obsessive exercising secrets with you?

Because you'll hold me accountable. Or at least in my delusional mind you will.

SO! Here we go.

Weight: 145 pounds. (I was all the way down to 132. *Sob* *Sniffle*)

Day 1:

Two pink illegal diet pills from Singapore. (The government makes sure we don't get stuff that actually works into this country...or at least they try. It's much more fun to stick celebrity faces on placebo pills and watch us desperate, overweight Americans waste our money on one false promise after another.)

TONS of water, but not too much. I don't wanna' drown. (I spread this out throughout the day)

1 lemon poppy seed muffin for breakfast. (I know I said I was trying to lose weight and that kind of contradicts, but wait 'til you see what I'm gonna' do next).

500 sit ups.
(Not all at once. I do 100 at a time with breaks in between)
500 jumping jacks.

As many push ups as I can. (You'd think carrying a toddler and sometimes two young ladies around, as well as large laundry baskets, arm loads of groceries, and heavy laden bags in public when we take the kids out would strengthen those puppies. Well, you're WRONG! I'm probably only gonna' manage 20 of those suckers today).

A fist-sized portion of pasta from last night's dinner (that's probably all these little pills will let me eat anyway before gluttonous puking sets in - delicious, huh?)

***Oh, before I forget - don't eat while you're reading this. I know, I know - it's a little late in the game, but at least you'll know for next time. Or perhaps, my graphic descriptions are causing you to lose your appetite and thus helping you reach your own weight loss goals in which case, you're welcome***

Now, where was I?

A one-hour Zumba session.

A fist-sized portion of whatever we're having for dinner. Hmmm...looking at the agenda tonight, I'm guessing fast food is on the menu. That'll be 4 chicken nuggets from Burger King for me totalling 180 calories. Yeah. 180 calories. That's it! And thanks to those pink pills, that'll fill me up.

And FINALLY - a 4-mile power walk to finish off the day.

Take THAT you evil little fat cells. I'll blast you outta' here in NO TIME!

And to all you healthy people who are cringing and fuming at my completely irresponsible ways, I don't wanna hear it! This is what works and until I reach a point in my life where the stress level and monumental requirements of my day are down considerably, I won't have the time or desire to do it the right way.

See ya' tomorrow. Enjoy your day...and your food...and your sanity...and health.