I Don't Wanna' Know.

I was doing so great yesterday. Everything was balanced - work, housework, exercise, quality time with the kids.

Then I came home from my power walk at 11:30 PM and my husband was digging in the fridge saying he was hungry. I stood there, puppy-dog faced and just stared. He stopped digging, looked up for a second and said, "What?"

"I'm hungry too," I whined.

I asked him if he was going to eat the leftover Mexican chicken salad and he said no, so I grabbed the tupperware and headed to my desk.

I didn't even get on the scale this morning. I don't wanna' know.

Let's just try this again - shall we? Keeping my fingers crossed I can hold it together. It IS the weekend, after all. That's when I'm typically on my worst behavior.

Yesterday was a bust!

I had NO time to exercise.

But I also had no time to eat.

140.9 lbs. this morning.

Try And Stop Me!

You ever feel like the moment you make a decision to go on a serious diet or attempt something major and difficult, the forces of evil show up and do everything they can to try and stop you?

That's what's going on right now.

I've got a deathly ill son wearing me down the past couple of days, which has now bled into the nights. Typically the only solution is chocolate and Dr. Pepper to get me through these moments.

I get to see my husband parading through the house with a 16-ouncer of the good stuff on a daily basis and not only that, but he seems to be placing them strategically throughout the house. Now of course this isn't true. He doesn't mean to be evil on purpose. It's completely accidental. But it's still evil.

And it doesn't stop there.

I've got my friend calling me wanting to know if I'm up for a candy run "for the kids".

For the KIDS?! HA! Right! Is THAT what we're calling it now? Like I'm gonna' walk into a store later in the evening after a very rough day seeking out candy for my kids and not get some for myself. Come on! Of course I purchased myself a box of M&Ms.

Hey, at least I didn't go for the medium-sized bag of Almond Joy bits, alright? That would have been my FIRST choice and were I not on this excruciating regimen to get myself camera ready, I would have gone for it.

You know, this isn't just a photo shoot I'm preparing for where editing can be done to make you look better than you really do in person. SOMEBODY in the band got a bright idea that we should actually shoot behind-the-scenes video footage of the making of our second album. Ever heard the phrase, "The camera adds 10 pounds?" That means I've gotta' be 10 pounds thinner than I want to appear on camera. It's lucky I even eat at ALL right now! If I could I'd stop altogether.

STILL - despite eating my little box of M&Ms...OK, and also half of my son's Reece's Pieces, which he very irresponsibly left on the coffee table last night and then went off to bed (he should know by now that's an extremely risky move - they're gone and there will be no apologies). Oh, also I took a small swig of Dr. Pepper that was staring me in the face when I checked the fridge last night. HEY! I was just doing a final midnight check of the premises - making sure everything was in its place. BACK OFF!!

Where was I?

Ah yes. I'm 141.8 pounds this morning.

Take THAT evil forces!!!!

It Happens So Fast!

First, a confession.

I did not manage ALL of the crazy exercising I had intended to do yesterday. I forgot that I have a job, children (sick ones right now) and dinner to cook...among other things.

By 10:45 last night I was finishing up my walking and I turned to my friend and said, "I'm done. That's all for today. I'm going home and collapsing."

And I did. I couldn't even take my hour-and-a-half long, ridiculously hot bath that I like to take at the end of the day. I filled it with de-stress oils and within 15 minutes fell into a deep sleep, slowly slipping down into the water until my face was nearly submerged and I jumped awake.

Is it possible for an adult to drown in their own bathtub?

I decided not to try that experiment this time.

I jumped up out of the water, dried off and headed to bed.

SO, minus 200 of the situps, minus the push ups, and minus the Zumba, I stepped on the scale this morning and....

I'm 142.6 pounds. That's a 2.4 pound loss in ONE DAY!!!

Now, it's not always going to go that fast. I know from experience. There will be days and days that go by and I might not lose a pound at all or I'll lose half a pound or something, but it will continue to fall off and I have a good chance of reaching my goal, so stay tuned.

15-20 pounds down in 3 weeks!

I wish the title was an announcement of my achievement. But alas, it is not. It's simply my goal.

CAN SHE DO IT?!

That remains to be seen.

See that photo? I managed to undo all of that hard work in just 6 weeks flat. Now, I know you've seen way better looking wanna-be rockers than me, but considering I had three children in 4 1/2 years, a sedentary job, and an obsession with comfort food, that's pretty dang good. I lost 28 pounds for that photo shoot.

PS: The pained look on my face is not caused by starvation. It's caused by those dang heels. Just look at those monsters! That's a five-inch studded stiletto heel. I will never wear those evil things again if I can help it!

Anyhoo, I'm back at it. As stated before in past posts - do NOT try this at home! It's extremely, ridiculously irresponsible, but so necessary when expectations loom over you.

And why would I share my deep dark dieting/obsessive exercising secrets with you?

Because you'll hold me accountable. Or at least in my delusional mind you will.

SO! Here we go.

Weight: 145 pounds. (I was all the way down to 132. *Sob* *Sniffle*)

Day 1:

Two pink illegal diet pills from Singapore. (The government makes sure we don't get stuff that actually works into this country...or at least they try. It's much more fun to stick celebrity faces on placebo pills and watch us desperate, overweight Americans waste our money on one false promise after another.)

TONS of water, but not too much. I don't wanna' drown. (I spread this out throughout the day)

1 lemon poppy seed muffin for breakfast. (I know I said I was trying to lose weight and that kind of contradicts, but wait 'til you see what I'm gonna' do next).

500 sit ups.
(Not all at once. I do 100 at a time with breaks in between)
500 jumping jacks.

As many push ups as I can. (You'd think carrying a toddler and sometimes two young ladies around, as well as large laundry baskets, arm loads of groceries, and heavy laden bags in public when we take the kids out would strengthen those puppies. Well, you're WRONG! I'm probably only gonna' manage 20 of those suckers today).

A fist-sized portion of pasta from last night's dinner (that's probably all these little pills will let me eat anyway before gluttonous puking sets in - delicious, huh?)

***Oh, before I forget - don't eat while you're reading this. I know, I know - it's a little late in the game, but at least you'll know for next time. Or perhaps, my graphic descriptions are causing you to lose your appetite and thus helping you reach your own weight loss goals in which case, you're welcome***

Now, where was I?

A one-hour Zumba session.

A fist-sized portion of whatever we're having for dinner. Hmmm...looking at the agenda tonight, I'm guessing fast food is on the menu. That'll be 4 chicken nuggets from Burger King for me totalling 180 calories. Yeah. 180 calories. That's it! And thanks to those pink pills, that'll fill me up.

And FINALLY - a 4-mile power walk to finish off the day.

Take THAT you evil little fat cells. I'll blast you outta' here in NO TIME!

And to all you healthy people who are cringing and fuming at my completely irresponsible ways, I don't wanna hear it! This is what works and until I reach a point in my life where the stress level and monumental requirements of my day are down considerably, I won't have the time or desire to do it the right way.

See ya' tomorrow. Enjoy your day...and your food...and your sanity...and health.