The Results Are In!

Uhhh...let me just say this - if you want to do a starvation diet, don't have kids, don't have friends, don't be social at all! And definitely do NOT try this on a weekend!

So, I did great on Friday. I just sipped the concoction and drank tons of water. I did start to get a bit of a headache, just a mild one, and I did start feeling a slight bit cranky, but I felt like I could keep it under control.

Then it happened! FRIENDS! DANG YOU PEOPLE!

A friend whom I had not seen in a while just happened to be in my neighborhood and called me up and said, "Hey, let's go to Extreme Play and hang out while our kids bounce around and play." Sounded innocent enough. I met up with her, signed my kids in, paid the fee and took my place on a big comfy couch where we talked about my new baby and life, in general. The minutes passed by quickly and soon it had been 1 1/2 hours. The dinner hour was approaching and my kids were hungry, including baby Zander. It was time to pack up and head home.

"Hey, we're going to go grab pizza. Wanna' come along?" My friend invited us.

I drew in a deep breath, looked heavenward and released a huge, huffy sigh. Suddenly a strong smell of pizza smacked me in the nose. I jerked my head around and saw that the cafeteria had just removed a large pepperoni from their oven, a young family eagerly waiting at the counter for their order.

"Oh man! This sucks! I'm on a diet. A strict diet. I'm not eating for the next two days." I whined.

"Oh", my friend replied. "I'm so sorry. I don't want to ruin your diet."

"I know. I know. But, I wanna' visit some more and I know I'm not going to be able to sit in that place and smell all of the pizza and watch you all eat it and not eat some. DANG IT!"

My friend chuckled and apologized again.

I released another big sigh and threw my hands up in submission. "Aw, forget it! Let's go get pizza!"

I'm sorry to say it didn't end there. You get me eating after starving for a day and it becomes a feeding frenzy. After two slices of pizza and a bread stick I announced, "Let's go to Bahama Buck's! I want some shaved ice!"

All of the kids shouted, "Yay! We wanna' go to...." and then they all proceeded to twist their tongues around the name Bahama Buck's, which was quite entertaining. There were seven of them between the two of us, ranging in ages from 6 weeks to 12 years old.

And so I snarfed down a "Big Kahuna" drink. I ordered the small size, okay? I wasn't THAT naughty. Okay, I was totally naughty. It had a heart next to it and the sign said that meant it wasn't that high in calories, but I'm sure it was still enough calories to completely destroy what I had worked so hard on all day - not eating.

DAY 2:

I picked up where I left off with the starvation diet. I decided I was just going to hop back on the wagon and go at it again. If I ran out of concoction, I'd just drink fruit juice, freshly juiced from my new Jack Lalanne power juicer that my parents bought me for my birthday, which I have been using at least twice a day and it's my new best friend.

I was doing great. I hopped on the scale, just out of curiosity, and I had dropped 2 pounds, so I was down to 162. Yay! It was a start.

Then it happened! HUSBAND! DANG YOU HUSBAND!

I forgot to add: "Don't have friends, don't be social, and DON'T have a husband!"

My husband wanted to take me to dinner. He NEVER wants to take me to dinner.

"I don't like spending money on food" is his famous line, to which I always respond, "Well, we have to eat somehow, so it's either spend money on food at the grocery store or spend it on eating out, but money is going to get spent on food, so change that line up, K?"

Suddenly, I start this starvation diet and my husband wants to take me out to dinner? Are you kidding me? We've been married nearly 5 years and out of nowhere he changes his tune. I swear the devil possessed him and made him say that!

Aw heck! I agreed. It didn't take a single arm twist. I was in!

After a lovely evening about town, he took me to a fancy seafood restaurant. I ordered the Maple Glazed salmon with wild rice and steamed broccoli...and a very sweet raspberry lemonade. Of course, they brought a small loaf of bread first COVERED IN SUGAR! And yes, I ate more than half the loaf myself. Then, we ordered an appetizer of venison stuffed mushrooms. Hey, we were starving - especially me! By the time they brought my meal, I could only take three bites and I was about to burst at the seams. Our server asked me if there was something wrong with my meal.

"No, not the meal - my stomach. I'm full. Can I have a box to go, please?"

ANYWAY! So, 48-hour starvation diet was sabotaged completely.

However, there is a slightly happy ending to this story:

Final weight on scale: 160.

I'll take it!